Widows Voice

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Get over It? What do you mean?

Posted on November 29, 2017 at 11:30 AM

I always like to acknowledge God and how amazing He has been and is to my sons and I on this grief journey. I’m so grateful to God for who He is in our lives, for all that He’s doing and for all that He continues to do. I couldn't even imagine trying to make it through life without God. On September 7, 2015 our lives changed forever. We had no choice but to embrace what had taken place in our lives and begin this “changed” life or our New Normal as I like to call it.

For the most part we don’t look like what we’ve been through. I know you see us smiling in pictures on social media and having a great time but I want you to understand something, we’re not smiling and happy all the time. Losing a loved one is painful and grief hurts and some days we’re holding back tears and there is hurt, pain and confusion behind those smiles. Isn’t it amazing how we can have hope in God and believe in Him, and still grieve all at the same time.

I’ve had people ask me why don’t you just move on, or get over it. Hmm, get over it? A very special friend of mine who is a widow as well told me that someone said to her, “it looks like you’re over it.” My friend stated, this is something you will never get over. That’s what I want to talk about today. People who have experienced loss will never get over IT so stop asking them to. What we do is try to get through it the best way we can and we continue to make steps forward even if those steps are slow.

The loss of my husband and my sons father is something we will never “get over”. It’s been a little over two years since Pastor Ronald Shaw Jr. made his transition and he and his presence is missed tremendously. During family functions he is missed, when I have to go to parent teacher conferences alone he is missed, when I have to check the widow button on forms, he is missed, when my sons have to write deceased in the fathers spot on forms, he is missed. On his birthday, during holidays and on so many other occasions and situations, he is missed.

My son is graduating from high school in 2018 and although this is a momentous occasion at the same time it’s still a little sad because his Dad isn’t here. I’m saying all of this to make a point. We are moving forward in life, we are trying to not only survive but to thrive in our New Normal but guess what? We’re not over it and I doubt if we’ll ever be. What I believe though is that God will heal us from the pain of grief.

Now let me clear something up. We’re not sitting around crying all the time and we’re not wallowing in sadness. But the moments do come and we allow ourselves to have those moments and then we wipe our faces and continue to live. We’re not weak because we shed some tears, and we’re not stuck because we have those times. As a matter of fact were brave because we allow ourselves to cry, get it out and grieve.

Again, I have to give all praise to God for His grace, His provision, His protection, His everything. I don’t even want to imagine where we would be without HIM! I thank God because He understands that we’re His children and we serve Him and at the same time, we’re human and when events happen we will experience the emotions that accompany them. God is right there with us in the midst of it all. He loves us, comforts us, gives us peace and joy and guess what? God loves you and He can and will do the same for you.

Psalm 34:18 KJV

The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

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