Widows Voice

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What About The Children?

Posted on August 16, 2017 at 11:05 AM

I remember when the doctor came in the room and told me that my husband was gone. I don’t remember much of what I did after he told  me. I remember screaming and crying. It was like something I can’t even explain because I wasn’t even functioning. Let me tell you what I do recall, it was hearing my son scream. It was his scream that brought me out of my distraught state. That scream was one that I will never forget. It was his cry, his lament, his expression of pain that made me come to myself. It brought me out of grief and mothering took over. I remember putting my son in my lap and holding him like he was a little baby. Writing about it now does something to my heart and brings tears to my eyes.

My sons were 10 and 15 when their Dad passed away. That is not something that you raise your hand and volunteer for your children to experience. My husband’s death was sudden and unexpected, which makes it more difficult to understand. How do we handle this?

If you are a mother then you undertand how I want to do all I can to protect my children and shield them from harm and anything that causes them pain and sadness. Imagine not having the power to remove such pain. What do you do? This is something that I struggle with every day. To see my sons’ hurting and I can’t remove the source of their pain. It does something to me.

It tears at my heart because I can't remove my sons pain. When I can see they are hurting, or they miss their Dad. Or they need a Dad in that moment.... As a mother it hurts that I can't fill that void.I can be there, I can offer support, etc. One thing I know though is that God can fill that void. He's the ultimate Father. To me, God is the only one who can be a better Father to my sons than my husband was.

So, what about the physical presence? That's where the "tribe" comes in. The "tribe" is extremely important. They are the people who are there for us. The ones who show up and are there when needed. THANK YOU TO OUR TRIBE! If you know a child who has lost a parent, reach out to him/her. Invite them to lunch, to a game. Or just to hang out. Make yourself available to talk. Just be there. You have no idea how much it means to a child. And be sure that if you say you're going to do something or be there, that you follow through.

Ongoing support after death is vital to someone who has lost a loved one. It would be a blessing if you can be a part of that. Don't you want to be a part of that?

James 1:27 KJV

Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

I can tell you that my sons will deal with the loss of their Dad for the rest of their lives. Yes, they will continue to move forward and thrive. At the same time, they will never forget their Dad. They will be alright, they will be okay, they will be blessed, they will be all that God has for them to be because God promised me that. God will always be there for them, He will never leave them. Most importantly, GOD LOVES THEM! 

So even on the rough days, the sad days, the how are we going to make it through this days, reamber that we're gong to make it because God is there!

Isaiah 54:13 KJV

And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

Luke 11:13 KJV

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?

Psalms 139:13-17 KJV

13- For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

14- I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

15- My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16- Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

17-How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

Danyell Shaw

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1 Comment

Reply Rachel Miller
12:10 AM on August 17, 2017 
Danyell, This is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes. When my Dad died suddenly, I was 38, but my 10 nieces and nephews were between 2 and 15. Each of them, processed it in different ways. Even two years later, the youngest burst into sobs when she thought we were going to SEE Grandpa on Father's Day and then we stopped by the cemetery. It's been three years, and we're all still adjusting to life without Dad. Thank you so much for sharing your story and the need to help children grieve and adjust.