|Posted on February 14, 2018 at 3:40 PM||comments (0)|
For my late husband and I Valentine’s Day was a huge deal. He proposed to be on Valentines Day in 1998 and it was a beautiful occasion. From that moment on we celebrated big time. Now we showed each other love all the time but on that day, we increased it big time! We had an amazing love story, filled with ups and downs, joy and laughter, some hard times some wonderfully blissful times. I thank God I was able to experience that love with my husband as he was an extraordinary man! I know he loved me and I loved him. We have so many wonderful memories together and I cherish them all. I’m sure I don’t have to say it but yes I miss him. A lot.
What’s amazing is that there is someone who loves me even more than my husband did. We have to remember that even before we were “coupled” there was someone who loved us and still does. Who is that you say? GOD! He has loved us from the very beginning. He loves us with an everlasting love. So although your spouse is no longer with you, remind yourself on the days when you feel alone, on the days that no one gets it, on holidays like this one, that God always loves you and He’s there with you. He promised that He will never leave you or forsake you. As a matter of fact GOD is love -I John 4:8.
One more thing. Think about the people in your life who love you, the ones who show you they care, the ones that haven’t forgotten about you. You know who they are- love on them! Don’t forget to show them love not just on Valentines Day but every day.
|Posted on November 29, 2017 at 11:30 AM||comments (0)|
I always like to acknowledge God and how amazing He has been and is to my sons and I on this grief journey. I’m so grateful to God for who He is in our lives, for all that He’s doing and for all that He continues to do. I couldn't even imagine trying to make it through life without God. On September 7, 2015 our lives changed forever. We had no choice but to embrace what had taken place in our lives and begin this “changed” life or our New Normal as I like to call it.
For the most part we don’t look like what we’ve been through. I know you see us smiling in pictures on social media and having a great time but I want you to understand something, we’re not smiling and happy all the time. Losing a loved one is painful and grief hurts and some days we’re holding back tears and there is hurt, pain and confusion behind those smiles. Isn’t it amazing how we can have hope in God and believe in Him, and still grieve all at the same time.
I’ve had people ask me why don’t you just move on, or get over it. Hmm, get over it? A very special friend of mine who is a widow as well told me that someone said to her, “it looks like you’re over it.” My friend stated, this is something you will never get over. That’s what I want to talk about today. People who have experienced loss will never get over IT so stop asking them to. What we do is try to get through it the best way we can and we continue to make steps forward even if those steps are slow.
The loss of my husband and my sons father is something we will never “get over”. It’s been a little over two years since Pastor Ronald Shaw Jr. made his transition and he and his presence is missed tremendously. During family functions he is missed, when I have to go to parent teacher conferences alone he is missed, when I have to check the widow button on forms, he is missed, when my sons have to write deceased in the fathers spot on forms, he is missed. On his birthday, during holidays and on so many other occasions and situations, he is missed.
My son is graduating from high school in 2018 and although this is a momentous occasion at the same time it’s still a little sad because his Dad isn’t here. I’m saying all of this to make a point. We are moving forward in life, we are trying to not only survive but to thrive in our New Normal but guess what? We’re not over it and I doubt if we’ll ever be. What I believe though is that God will heal us from the pain of grief.
Now let me clear something up. We’re not sitting around crying all the time and we’re not wallowing in sadness. But the moments do come and we allow ourselves to have those moments and then we wipe our faces and continue to live. We’re not weak because we shed some tears, and we’re not stuck because we have those times. As a matter of fact were brave because we allow ourselves to cry, get it out and grieve.
Again, I have to give all praise to God for His grace, His provision, His protection, His everything. I don’t even want to imagine where we would be without HIM! I thank God because He understands that we’re His children and we serve Him and at the same time, we’re human and when events happen we will experience the emotions that accompany them. God is right there with us in the midst of it all. He loves us, comforts us, gives us peace and joy and guess what? God loves you and He can and will do the same for you.
Psalm 34:18 KJV
The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
|Posted on August 16, 2017 at 11:05 AM||comments (1)|
I remember when the doctor came in the room and told me that my husband was gone. I don’t remember much of what I did after he told me. I remember screaming and crying. It was like something I can’t even explain because I wasn’t even functioning. Let me tell you what I do recall, it was hearing my son scream. It was his scream that brought me out of my distraught state. That scream was one that I will never forget. It was his cry, his lament, his expression of pain that made me come to myself. It brought me out of grief and mothering took over. I remember putting my son in my lap and holding him like he was a little baby. Writing about it now does something to my heart and brings tears to my eyes.
My sons were 10 and 15 when their Dad passed away. That is not something that you raise your hand and volunteer for your children to experience. My husband’s death was sudden and unexpected, which makes it more difficult to understand. How do we handle this?
If you are a mother then you undertand how I want to do all I can to protect my children and shield them from harm and anything that causes them pain and sadness. Imagine not having the power to remove such pain. What do you do? This is something that I struggle with every day. To see my sons’ hurting and I can’t remove the source of their pain. It does something to me.
It tears at my heart because I can't remove my sons pain. When I can see they are hurting, or they miss their Dad. Or they need a Dad in that moment.... As a mother it hurts that I can't fill that void.I can be there, I can offer support, etc. One thing I know though is that God can fill that void. He's the ultimate Father. To me, God is the only one who can be a better Father to my sons than my husband was.
So, what about the physical presence? That's where the "tribe" comes in. The "tribe" is extremely important. They are the people who are there for us. The ones who show up and are there when needed. THANK YOU TO OUR TRIBE! If you know a child who has lost a parent, reach out to him/her. Invite them to lunch, to a game. Or just to hang out. Make yourself available to talk. Just be there. You have no idea how much it means to a child. And be sure that if you say you're going to do something or be there, that you follow through.
Ongoing support after death is vital to someone who has lost a loved one. It would be a blessing if you can be a part of that. Don't you want to be a part of that?
James 1:27 KJV
Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.
I can tell you that my sons will deal with the loss of their Dad for the rest of their lives. Yes, they will continue to move forward and thrive. At the same time, they will never forget their Dad. They will be alright, they will be okay, they will be blessed, they will be all that God has for them to be because God promised me that. God will always be there for them, He will never leave them. Most importantly, GOD LOVES THEM!
So even on the rough days, the sad days, the how are we going to make it through this days, reamber that we're gong to make it because God is there!
Isaiah 54:13 KJV
And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
Luke 11:13 KJV
If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?
Psalms 139:13-17 KJV
13- For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
14- I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
15- My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16- Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
17-How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
|Posted on July 28, 2017 at 7:40 PM||comments (0)|
Raise your hand if you've experienced this since the loss of your loved one. I too have went through the same thing. It seems that it is part of the experience of losing a loved one. Unfortunately I've had so many people leave my life and my sons lives.
I'm not sure if they can't deal with seeing you grieve, if they were really only my husband's "friend", or what. At the beginning, everyone was around. People were calling, texting, asking if we needed anything. Then after a few weeks, we were left with very few and we felt very alone. We had many people tell us; I'm here anytime you need to me, call me if you need anything, etc. I think people say that to sound nice but they don't really mean it. I say that because those people who told us that were MIA.
Anyone who has lost a loved one will tell you that you after the funeral is over and everyone goes back to their lives, that's when the help and support is really needed. I remember, I couldn't even drive myself to and from work, or my children to and from school. I was so low, I was barely functioning. I thank God for the people who helped me during that time. They took me to work, picked me up. They took the boys to school, picked them up, went to the grocery store for me, etc. Eventually, I was able to resume my duties. But, just think if I didn't have those "few" to help me.
If you have lost a loved one, I'm sure you agree. If you are a friend or family member of someone who has lost a loved one, remember that they need you. There is no magic date when grief is over and boom they won't need assistance. Reach out to your widowed friends. Invite them over, call or text them. They will be so grateful if you do. It's so important to BE THERE!
I had a dear Brother in The Lord tell me when I was voicing to him my complaints about people not being there for myself and my sons. He told me, Sis, there are people who want to be there for you and the boys but you have to let them in. He said stop focusing on who isn't there and focus on the ones who are. He was so right. When I changed my mindset, I realized that we had people we could call, (maybe not who we expected), but nevertheless God has blessed us with BONUS family. And I appreciate them greatly!
If you think about it, there is someone who has been there for you and your family since the death of your loved one. It's human nature to focus on the negative more than the positive. Even if 10 people left your life and 1 stayed, that is still a blessing. And if not, pray for God to send you someone.
Remember that God is always there. He promises to never leave us or forsake us.
Hebrews 13:5 B) for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
|Posted on July 9, 2017 at 6:00 PM||comments (0)|
Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV  Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
As a Widow of almost 2 years, if I have learned anything, I have learned to TRUST in God. The Bible lets us know that God watches over the fatherless and the widow.
In these 22 months, God has come through exceedingly and abundantly for my family. When sadness tries to overtake us, God gives us peace. When situations happen that threaten to steal our joy, God replenishes it. When we need food, He supplies. When we need protection, He protects us. When we needed to relocate back to Texas, God provided a way. When we needed shelter, God provided it. While I was in between jobs, God didn't skip a beat. We didn't want for anything. God blessed me with a job after being in Dallas for a little over a month. God has given us peace during this time. God has kept our joy full.
Now I have to be honest, the tears do come. My sons and I get overwhelmed with grief at times. Even in that, I trust in God to bring us out. When I don't feel like I can make it another day, hour or minute, I have to Trust in God to lift us out of the valley. What I'm trying to say is, no matter what is going on in your life, no matter what situation you find yourself in, continue to Trust in God. When you're in a situation and you don't know how you're going to make it, or how it will be resolved, TRUST GOD! Even when I don't umderstand and it doesn't make sense, I have to trust in God. And in order for me to trust God, I have to believe that He can do what He says He will do in His Word. He's concerned about you and he loves you. He will come through.
Psalms 5:11 But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
|Posted on July 3, 2017 at 12:20 AM||comments (0)|
For the first time ever I asked God to heal my sons and I. Before last night I had never asked that. I've prayed to God to help us through. I've asked God to give us strength to keep going. I've asked God to be a Father to my sons. But never had I prayed to God to heal us. I'm sure you're wondering WHY. Let me explain.
When you lose a loved one, one of your greatest fears is forgetting that person. You never want to forget him/her. So in my mind I felt if I asked God to heal me that I would forget about Pastor Shaw. I never want to forget him. My late husband was a blessing from God. He was an amazing husband to me and a loving father to our two sons. He was truly a blessed and anointed Man of God! We were married for 17 years. So I don't want to forget!
Now, find a scar on your body. Now touch it. Begin to press on it. Do you feel any pain? No. But do you remember the story behind the scar? Even if you got the scar when you were a child, you still remember how it happened. I have a scar on my forehead that I remember to this day how I got it. My little brother hit me in the head with his bottle. But I don't feel anymore pain. Ding, ding, ding!!!!! God can heal my family of this pain and still we won't forget! It's like a revelation! I won't forget about the love my late husband showed, how he was there with me during good and bad times. How he took care of our children. How he protected his family. I won't forget. It reminds me of a message that he preached entitled "I'm healed and I have the scars to prove it!"
I'm not exactly sure what this healing is supposed to be like. A very wise person told me that Healing is a Journey. I'm just grateful to God for growth. So, as I'm grieving while in motion (GWIM), I'm waiting for God to heal us. As we continue to adjust to our New Normal and continue to move forward, I'm grateful to know that God is there! He's never left us, neither has He forsaken us. Remember God is there with you also.
P.S. The scar story is from my Pastor. He spoke those words during one of his sermons.
|Posted on June 23, 2017 at 7:00 PM||comments (0)|
Hello. I wanted to share with you one of my go to passages of scripture. When I'm feeling low, sad, depressed, forgotten about, etc., I read this chapter. It always uplifts me. Share with me some of your go to scriptures. I'd love to hear about them.
God bless you,
1 Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD.
2 Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes;
3 For thou shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy seed shall inherit the Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited.
4 Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.
5 For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.
6 For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.
7 For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.
8 In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer.
9 For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee.
10 For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the LORD that hath mercy on thee.
11 O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.
12 And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.
13 And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
14 In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee.
15 Behold, they shall surely gather together, but not by me: whosoever shall gather together against thee shall fall for thy sake.
16 Behold, I have created the smith that bloweth the coals in the fire, and that bringeth forth an instrument for his work; and I have created the waster to destroy.
17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.
|Posted on June 19, 2017 at 8:40 PM||comments (0)|
Happy Fathers Day to you Pastor Ronald Shaw! You truly were an amazing Dad to our sons. I used to tell them all the time how I wish I had a father like you. You would be so proud of your sons I know. They are doing amazing things. A lot of that has to do with you Fathering them! My heart breaks for them I can't lie about that. But with Gods help they'll make it! Miss you and Love you forever!
|Posted on June 14, 2017 at 4:00 PM||comments (0)|
September 7, 2015…..
It was Labor Day, a holiday. The boys and I were at home because we were out of school. It was overcast outside, I remember. The sun wasn’t out. We woke up as usual but the day was strange it seems. It was just very different. We relaxed and were waiting for my sister and her family to come by so we could start barbequing. They came over and my brother in law begin to cook out on the deck.
My husband and I were in our bedroom and I was sitting on the bed and he was kneeling beside the bed praying. I looked over at him and I noticed he was looking at me. I think I smiled. I turned away and started doing something on my phone. I looked back over at him and he was looking at me again. This happened one more time. At that point I asked him, was he okay or did he say something. He said he was okay, that he didn’t say anything, or that he was thinking aloud. I don’t remember.
When I think back on that, I feel like he knew and that maybe he was praying for me and the boys. After he finished praying, he said he was going to the gym and he was going by himself. Which was odd because that is something that he and the boys would usually do together. Nevertheless, he kissed me goodbye and told me that he loved me.
To be continued........